I came across this quote posted along a hiking trail in Newfoundland this summer:
“There are things we will never see, unless we walk to them.”
by Thomas A. Clark
I keep coming back to it. There is something fitting about encountering those words while walking a trail. You rarely see the entire path. You see what is immediately in front of you, take the next step, and discover what is around the bend.
I have been thinking about how often we ask for certainty before we are willing to move. We want to know that the relationship will work before we fully show up. We want to know the career change is right before we leave the familiar. We want to feel confident before we take the risk.
In therapy, there is tension between the part of us that wants to move forward and the part that wants a guaranteed outcome. We cannot control outcomes. We can make thoughtful choices. We can consider the risks, gather information, seek support, and take actions that increase the likelihood of an outcome we desire. And still, there are no guarantees.
Sometimes, we can convince ourselves we are waiting for the “right” time, more information, more confidence, greater certainty. Often this wait is an unconscious delay tactic. A pause in search of certainty.
When we continually demand certainty before taking action, we can inadvertently reinforce the very anxiety that is keeping us stuck. A way to avoid being stuck is to be open to and curious about what might be around the next corner. Developing a belief, we can adapt if the outcome is not what we hoped, helps reduce the need for certainty.
When I left home at 15, uncertainty was a constant. I learned the importance of not waiting for a guarantee. I learned that an antidote to fear was curiosity. I reminded myself that I was resilient and could adapt.
There have been many times when I faced uncertainty when trying to achieve an objective. In those moments there has been a mixture of doubt in my abilities, fear of the unknown, hope, belief in myself, and a quiet knowing that somehow, I would find my way.
Pursuing an education that I funded myself, and more recently, building a group therapy practice reinforces the value of embracing unknowns from a place of curiosity and a willingness to walk towards what you have not seen yet
– Tina Fallis